Keyboarded and Processed

New year's eve - partial entry -2008

This entry was intended to be titled "Processed and Keyboarded". It is keyboarded, but I don’t think I have processed any of the experience yet. However, in a brief sparkle of gin and jackpot second on new year’s eve at my sister’s, I had chimed joyfully, "I have a lot to process and keyboard !" as if shouting the words themselves was the elixir to processing all that had happened since December 18th.

My sister and Gert had each interpreted my utterance differently and thus failed to understand what I had meant. Inci had imagined a musical keyboard and thought of "designing" one and "implementing" it, whereas Gert had immediately pictured a computer keyboard— which, after all, was what I had meant. The ensuing discussion and opinions stirred me to write my thoughts and perceptions, however incongruous they may have been at the time.

Looking back to my scribbled thoughts, now I too fail to understand what I meant. The words themselves don’t make sense, but I know what I meant. So, is there a difference between "knowing" and "understanding"? Do we understand everything we know, or do we have to know everything we understand? Where does intuition come into play? Is it where understanding and knowing melt into each other when their borders can no longer be clearly defined, and rather than don each other's identity they create a new one and name it intuition? The gin-jackpot-discovery feeling is still there even though the words that try to express it, obfuscate it instead. My challenge is to clear the fog and pick out the ones that speak out clearly. To do this, I must regain my passion. But for now, my intuitions lie paralyised in misty layers of understandings which I know not how to sort out and express— until I have processed each patiently and in due time.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright ©2008