Sunday, October 18, 2009

Please, No Applause, at THE END



Please, No Applause

at


The End

Füsun Atalay
Copyright 2009 by Füsun Atalay

Ha! It happens!

One thinks it would not, it could not- after all that has happened. So many bridges broken along the way - left beyond repair. Yet it happens, so unexpectedly, just as your eyes inadvertently pass over the date on the sidebar of the monitor. You continue with whatever it was that had engaged you, but your mind does not let go. Even in a delayed second it ensures that the anniversary, whose numbers are showing up on your desktop, stirs up its indelible significance and brings back fossilized memories.

They are not just names written in sand which the tide washes away, leaving pebbles and broken shells in their place. Those memories are life pieces, lived and worn; tasted and borne together when souls were open and sharing.

So when the date, noted by the corner of the eye, resurrects for a second that once wholesome memory - emotion, that shameless human condition, succumbs to cool, sophisticated reason.

Today, I mourn the loss of two people I loved dearly. May one rest in peace, and the other - live in one.
Copyright © 2009 by Füsun Atalay

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Füsun Atalay
Freelance Writer
Professional Writers Association of Canada
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Friday, June 26, 2009


Peyton Place Experiences - May 27, 2009 Aylmer Street with Inci

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009


First episode lights up flashbacks of our family gathering around the television twice every week in our Barclay Street apartment, having dropped everything (homework included) huddled close in delicious anticipation for that evening’s episode of Peyton Place. A daring night-time soap opera of the 60s which not only taught me and my sisters- recent immigrants from Turkey- English because of the simplicity of its characters’ lines and their enunciation of the words but also because of its slow paced, engaging story line.

Today Inci and I sat on the futon to take a break from painting her cosy den to a fresh layer of light apricot, and slightly light-headed after our second gin ‘n tonic to watch the recently released DVD of the first episode of Peyton Place since its debut on network television on September 14, 1964. As scenes, music and story line unfolded from their dormancy in our memory and came alive on the screen in black and white, we inevitably re-visited a rite of passage in our lives that coincided with our growing up experience at that point in the continuum of Life.

Seeing the characters whose names somehow, miraculously defeated oblivion from our memories, my sister and I started commenting on their behaviors, appearance, manners and the values of a bygone era in general — which was part of us. Yet this was only a prelude to our kindred passage—hand-in-hand— in time and relieve (albeit so briefly) the family TV evenings whenever we gathered to watch a program on our 19 inch, black and white television set.

Anne used to ask constantly for one of us to translate. Obliging her interfered with listening and following. Frustrated and feeling ignored, our mother then felt free to loudly voice to the characters her fears, advice, criticism and warning based on her interpretation — all in Turkish; or cry out in empathy when an oncoming truck hit and paralyzed the protagonist. We tolerated her then - but with muted annoyance.

Today, my sister and I could not resist the temptation of blurting out the same comments, warnings, praise or disdain at the same scenes and the same characters of Rodney and Betty; Leslie and Julie as our Mother had done 45 years ago. Then Inci and I realized that our Mother was talking through us, or rather we were echoing her words as a confirmation of our endorsement of her values.

Inci and I laughed our heads off — amused yet not amazed —at how we could be so ‘Right On !’

Into a few episodes on Part One, we realized that now we could predict the shady intentions of a character or his motives for his behavior not only because we might have a hazy recollection of the episode from 45 years ago, but 45 years later, even if we had never seen the fictional story, we felt we had the solid support and convictions of our life experience. My sister and I, as a confirmation of our endorsement of our Mother— by whom we felt irritated teenagers — were, to our disbelief echoing her very values !

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009



ABRASIVE ?
No more !


Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009


My sister said that she has no other friend like me. My feeling towards her is the same, but for her to see me that way is an honor. She has so many friends, circles, experience and admirers. Yet she singles me out as her kindred spirit.


Words to describe or to explain what my sister and I share are not even born into the lexicon yet; however, the ones that already exist reveal that we thrive together. Togetherness inspires us, motivates us fires us up and ... We a share a rich past- a very close and unique one that is etched in our memories and one, not yet claimed by the cruelty of age. We complete our thoughts and recite memories or fill in gaps on the stage of our past. We laugh and cry; we hug and hold hands; we look into each other’s teary eyes where we read answers to unspoken questions.


During our pre and early teen years, we could never have imagined the oneness and kindredness of spirits we would enjoy in each other now. Back then, as Inci said, "we were abrasive." How accurate ! We indulged in sneaky, petty rivalries and benign sibling jealousies — just annoying enough, irritating and abrasive on our Mother’s nerves.


Our abrasiveness is smoothened on the rough spots through the years and shines now sparkling like a most precious gem of loyalty and love with the help of a life, full of growth and learning we have shared. And I am grateful for that and for being able to see once more the important things in life.


Text &Photography ~ Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 2009 Füsun Atalay

Monday, March 30, 2009


So Much —

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2008


i breathe you in the citronelle candles
whose flames resurrect episodes of our reunions.

i live you in my wildest
yet most modest dreams
standing under the pouring rain
listening to each other's eyes
as raindrops waltz on our lashes
and lightning precedes the thunder.

i feel you in the silk i wrap around my neck
whose every inch was worshipped by your lips—
and hold you in a tear drop
gently as you held me.

i hear you in the music and the whispers of the wind.

i feel you, breathe you, wear you, live you
day by day every minute
in my sleep or consciousness.

i scorn the bitter longing and the pain
of not being with you so much —
so much
that sometimes i even believe
i am you.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2003

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


It goes on . . .

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009


The helicopter tragedy that had been unfolding since March 12th in St John's has left me with deep sadness and thoughts which I can finally put into words. I can do so partly because I saw many familiar faces from the past talk about the incident or recite poetry on TV, and allowed myself be overcome by a tsunami of emotion and longing for a place and life from which I feel so far away now.

I watched CBC's coverage of the memorial service at the St John's Basilica. It was a very poignant experience for me although mine is so different from the loss of those whose loved ones were swallowed by the sea. But that the service was a multi-faith one, that my former student Justin flew in to pay his respect, that I was so familiar with the setting and even picked out a face (or maybe two) among the crowd panned by the TV cameras filled me up with tears. I remembered watching Justin and Sacha's train ride from Ottawa to Montreal when their father passed away, and Justin reading his eulogy which ended,"Je t'aime, Papa." I was living in St John's at that time, feeling a similar nostalgia and longing for the familiar landmarks I had left back in Montreal.

I never had a proper closure with you; but I think this service— held for people I didn't even know, in a land I left far away in the past —and the prayers, which would be comforting to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one be it through mortality or other means, were the closest to a closure for me as well.

Isn't it strange how life creates such poignant connections through unrelated events for us ?

The three words quoted from Robert Frost: "it (life) goes on", concluding the service, made me realize that as simple as it sounds, or as much as I had been thinking that it would be impossible, life has gone on so far, and will continue doing so without you. It is up to me to make something worthwhile of that life now, because it will not stop and wait until I feel I am ready.


Sometimes, when we feel so much pain and grieve a loss, even a simple nugget of wisdom is shrouded like a great mystery that we fail to see— until something happens. In this case it was a tragedy that touched the lives of 17 families which shook me up and showed me what I had been missing all this while. Because of this I feel even closer to those families —not only in their grief and loss but also (unbeknown to them) for teaching me something that has set my spirit free after its long and painful journey.

In the ensuing self analysis, I began to understand that my inner peace depends on my own integrity and sense of vindication— not necessarily happiness. If I respect myself and can live with a clear conscience, happiness may come as a result. What I had been trying to reclaim was that wholeness and independence of which you cunningly deprived me.

Keep what you took, beloved, for my heart abounds in plenty !


As one of my favorite poets wrote:

". . . the heart that has truly loved never forgets,
But as truly loves on to the close,
As the sunflower turns on her god when he sets
The same look which she turned when he rose!"


Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009





Lucid Perplexities

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

So it is spring !

I don't see spears of spring bulbs pushing out their heads from the earth yet, but today's anticipated high temperature and the sunshine with a cloudless sky affirm the fact that it is finally spring. Any snow from now on won't have the upper hand any more, so let's rejoice and enjoy St Patrick's Day !

I felt very silly yesterday after getting up and dressed to go to my therapist only to knock on her door and be told that my appointment was for next week ! She was frazzled, baking a cake for her son's birthday. If she weren’t putting the garbage out , she said, she wouldn’t even have answered the door, looking pretty stressed herself. I was sure it was yesterday and had even marked it on my agenda, but she had it marked on hers for the 23rd. She said we could start the session but if her son called at any time we had to stop. I thought it wouldn't be fair if she was stressed out in the first place, so I left —not before advising her to reduce the oven temperature to 350 from 400 degrees for the cake, after she told me that she had burned the first one. I felt I made an unnecessary trip over the expressway and the bridge at a time when I'm watching my budget carefully until my lawyer's bill is paid off. Isn't it awful to have to feel this way? But even worse would be if I really get my dates and other facts mixed up— in other words, if my memory were going bad. I hope that is not the case. I've been on too many medicines for the last three years, and my doctor says I should still continue them, although sometimes I question his wisdom.

I'm so happy to that S and P feel they have begun their 'retirement' together. S is beginning to relax, and both are enjoying themselves, trying not to push to do everything at once. I think that's what retirement should be all about : enjoying life and taking it at a leisurely pace. They are so lucky to have each other.

I am lonely.

My sisters— my closest friends— are distant in physical space; and my best friend has her family and grandchildren but we manage to spend time together by phone or getting together since we live within proximity of each other. But when she spent the last four months in Istanbul, I was really, really alone, trying to keep myself busy writing to escape spiritual alienation and pain, or trying to turn the feelings into something beautiful which could only be achieved through extreme anguish and voiced through the craft of diction.

When I start to think to philosophically (or perhaps selfishly) I try to sort out things into their perspective. That usually provides a reality check and makes me grateful for what I have. I even feel shame for daring to complain. I have been following the Cougar helicopter crash in the North Atlantic, just off St John’s since March 12— and I feel so close to the people of Newfoundland in their loss and grief. Somehow the emotions are still raw and ring close to home every time I see the news and the background on TV- the South side Hills or the St John’s Harbour. . . My heart drowns in nostalgia. Last night Helen Fogwell-Porter, a local writer whom I got know well and became friends with while I lived in St John’s, was on CBC's "National" reciting E.J.Pratt’s poem "Erosion" and talking about the collective grief of Newfoundlanders from a writer’s point of view. I listened to her familiar yet unique Newfoundland accent while my memories of teaching the poem as a young teacher to my seniors were juxtaposed with the circumstances under which it was being recited by Helen on national news. It had always been one of my favorite poems- so much packed in such few lines and so poignant in the experience it speaks of.

The night before, it was Mary Walsh on a program called "Who do you think you are?" searching her roots from St John’s back to Ireland. I can close my eyes and travel back on certain routes, the streets still clear in memory, one yielding into another and changing name without warning. A Tim Horton's on one corner or a convenience store on another (Montrealler's version of a depanneur). The Churchill Square on Elizabeth Avenue and the only Farmer's Market where I had made friends with the fresh produce sellers and written an article for the Telegram. The bins of brine that keep salt cod and seal fins; the meagre offerings of the Newfoundland terrain: root vegetables for a jig's dinner. The hilly topography, uneven streets, colourful clapboard houses with a unique charm of their own... I do miss it all and —at the same time— feel banished from it all .

I still read the Telegram on-line although I do not write for it any more. That's my way of keeping in touch with the pulse of Newfoundland - a weak pulse, albeit. I read the comments readers post in response to news— many are very acrid about their premier and still hang on to the Newfoundlander mentality of 'Them' against the rest of Canada. They rant and rave even from as far away as Alberta and Washington, DC. as "ex pats", blaming much on Danny, but forgetting that it is they who elected him and will probably do so again. I take a look (with disdain) at the Saturday columns of Wells- the so called food writer and restaurant critique (whom I met at the opening of The Rooms in St John's). He used to be the weather man on CBC in St John's and has no culinary training or the refined understanding of food except consuming it, but he tries so hard to sound eloquent and knowledgeable. Sometimes even his writing gets away without being copy edited that a couple of comments I posted — very polite but subtly sarcastic— were censored and not published. But more often than not his column doesn't get any reader feedback. I wonder how many Newfoundlanders read or are even interested in food articles about ostrich steaks or bison roast.

It's time to get off my high horse and see if Selim wants to come in. He is such an anal cat— my domestic tiger— that he waits until he's let in to run to his box. He still doesn't understand that the outdoors are his to use as he wishes. Yesterday when I came home from Petra’s, he was at the door like a little boy, shifting from one leg to the other in a dire rush to go to the bathroom, and as soon as I opened the door he made a bee line towards his litter box for a long relief. Then he spent the next hour preening his silky hair and licking his paws clean before curling up for a well deserved cat nap after an entire day of chasing robins.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

Tuesday, March 3, 2009



Paradigms Questioned

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

What is it in a photograph - a snapshot - that brings out such powerful emotions even after so much time has lapsed between then and now? The immortalized nano-second, buried in what we call "the past", spotlights only a single expression branded in a single frame of the continuum which itself may tell an entirely different story from that, which lives forever in celluloid.

You and I took many photos of each other - happy, smiling, pointing to places with backgrounds of oceans or churches, markets or street scenes, family or friends. Yet there are not many photos with both of us together in it. Was this because you or I was more interested in taking the other’s photos, that neither of us thought of asking someone to snap a picture of us together - tete- à-tete - just the two of us?

I felt that we didn't need photos because we were together and real in life. Photos served to remember things or people that one wasn’t likely to see ever again , so an image caught in a minute passage of life would be one's only tangible validation of that passage. If we took photos of each other, it was not because of a fear that we'd forget the other—since we would always be together— but rather to remember the places we had visited and left a part of ourselves along our life’s journey.

So today when I came across a photo in a forgotten album, I wondered what had made us pose for that picture. The note on the reverse (and I’m so glad it was dated, unlike so many that are neglected) is in my sister's script: "New Year's 2002 - The picture of happiness!" You are sitting in an armchair in Nurdan’s living room. You are wearing a shirt and tie with an unbuttoned cardigan. It's very unlike you to wear a tie. You look very happy —your luscious lips (as I used to call them) are parted wide in a sincere smile that reveals your unfortunately not so good teeth.

I’m wearing that red sweater and sitting on the arm of the chair, to your left, leaning over so that my cheek is touching yours and my red lips are chiming my happiest smile. My right arm is wrapped in an embrace around your neck; your left hand shows around my waist securing me in a close embrace so that there is no space between us.

Was that photo, I wondered, genuinely reflective of how we felt then? Or was it captured at the right micro-instant when both of us could look so happy and in-love without much effort. And the lightness of that effort was what must have had us believe, in all honesty, that we were unquestionably happy.

There is not a day, an hour, a sleepless interlude in my life when I don’t question and rewind the memories of the last nine years, go over every scene bit by bit with a magnifying glass, trying to see something that I missed! I keep asking myself what I could have done, what did I fail to do, what signs have I missed, was I subconsciously trying to destroy the best thing I had in my life because part of me believed that I didn’t deserve it, I wasn't worth it ?

Then I try to balance this with the other end of the scale questioning what if everything was the exact opposite of what it seemed to be? Black was really white, and white - black? Just like a photo in its negative - and depending on which state one views it, one’s perceptions could be totally opposite from the other’s.

Imagine a row of pearly white teeth revealed in a beautiful smile looking like blackened, rotten ones exposed through a clown’s exaggerated mouth. Or what one sees as such turn into a vision of a captive smile displaying a row of white pearls — so much more appealing than what was perceived in its negative, its opposite, its false paradigm.

So is that old photo really a reflection of happy, connected us at that instant in time, or is it the positive of a false paradigm of whose existence neither of us was aware on New Year's Eve 2002 ?

As time goes on, I feel as if I’m beginning to forget how you look. Your presence, your voice, your smell, your touch filled me with warmth and excitement, security and desire all at the same time. It is that feeling I miss so much yet at the same time I'm trying to forget because missing leads to longing . Longing without hope is the road to painful desperation. Missing is empty and painful. I wanted your presence in my life ; your absence came suddenly and against my will. You severed our connection without my will, my consent and my knowledge. You walked away on a deceitful, pre-planned, inexcusable path. You planned your departure in a pretext that denied me my voice and the ability to make sense of what happened.You worked out your details so sinisterly that I could not even question, seek out answers, make any sense, find closure and move on. At the end, after months of bleeding tears, I could do nothing but let go praying that the open wounds would form scabs on their own — the only badges of survival and closure to the pain.

I still haven’t let go, because letting go means erasing you out of my thoughts and I cannot do that completely yet. But the more I think of you , the more I question your actions and your words. Rewinding into retro years, I see the negative — the side of the picture that shows everything in its primal stage.

When I look at the picture from this perspective, you emerge as a stranger to me — the antithesis of the man I loved for sharing my values, my dreams, my life, my love. But the image captured in that photograph has long been spoiled by your departure ; so I have to focus on the only one that remains— the undeveloped one. The negative. It is the negative of that photo, the flashback to my life with you— (like the photo that was taken in Wilmington, on New Year's Eve, 2002, the one that caught the false paradigm so convincingly) — that will allow me to let go. There's a tiny voice within, a feeling which keeps gnawing that, little by little, it must be through the negatives I'm likely to find the answers to the most painful questions and finally - hopefully - be able to let go with the insights I gain.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009



WORDS' WORTH

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009



Words are just sounds captured on paper -
If we are lucky - the time they rise
From our saddened hearts to our trembling lips
Our anguish or joys they crystallize.


Words are but tacit reminders-
With fleeting Time - our only compromise
To hold on to what might have been
Memories, to imbibe through misty eyes.


Words are the desperate tools
That seize and define and craft the cries
Of poetic hearts who are but fools
Whose songs of folly echo in their sighs.


Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2009

Monday, January 12, 2009

Broken Hearts


Broken Hearts - excerpt

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2008



My father once told me that a broken heart never truly mended. I remember his words as if he said them yesterday, although I was only fifteen years old when he uttered them - and so much is different from the teenage years of my life which fade into history, unless I try to bring them to the foreground in an attempt to understand myself now.

"The important thing is not to break a heart in the first place," he had said. "Because, no matter how hard you try to mend it afterwards, the line will always show."

I hear the crunch of our footsteps as the heels of our boots sink into the hardened January snow. I see us stop on a snow mounded curb on that clear, starry night and I ask, “What line, Babacim?”

My father’s breath escapes through his icicle lined nostrils as he exhales. The picture of still life fixed of that instant a long time ago becomes animated in my mind. We are cold but we needed the walk and to talk - to get out and disperse the bad feelings after one of my mother’s tantrums. (I forget the reason for her tantrum - the cause or the act fades in memory, only the feelings of hurt remain like a bruise.)

We used to take walks in spite of the cold or the snow and have father-daughter chats on many topics— school, poetry, literature. Babacim remembered poems he had learned by heart when he was in high school, and loved reciting them to me. They were Turkish poems — sometimes there was a word here and there with its roots in Persian or Arabic— which I didn't understand, but just the same, I loved hearing the cadence in his voice, and the poems themselves. As far back as I can remember, that's why I wanted to write poetry - and marry such words and feelings that made one tremble with the effect of their union.

"The fine line where the broken pieces are glued together," he replies, between puffs of icy breath that carry his words. "Picture a delicate porcelain vase. You take care and place it somewhere so it's beyond harm’s reach. . ."

My mind immediately travels to our living room where the only vase we have, a hand-painted Kütahya tile design filled with silk flowers, sits on the coffee table — typical of most immigrants. It is one of the few valuable souvenirs that followed us intact from Ankara three years ago when my parents decided to emigrate to Canada.


". . . and then one day, someone comes along and thoughtlessly knocks that vase down. It breaks. No matter how carefully it's glued back together afterwards, the hairline mark where it was put together will always be there. Even if you see it or nor, it will be there like the lines on a broken heart. . "


Our Kütahya vase did not get broken while I lived with my parents. But if I could view my father’s heart through a special lense, I’m sure I could see many tell-tale lines of it where it was glued back, after having been broken over and over and over.

His vase analogy stayed with me all my life as a poignant reminder of how a careless word or a thoughtless action can hurt and shatter someone without realizing its implications. Perhaps I had seen in my father a broken-hearted man living with his dignity and a smile on his face in spite of the wounds of a mended heart . I vowed to myself never to to inflict a broken heart on anyone.

Who had broken my father’s heart?

It took me most of my adult life to find an answer to this daunting puzzle, and when some pieces seemed to fit into place, I wished that certain questions had stayed unanswered. I was lured by the quest — as we often are— and disregarded the consequences at the end of my search. The answers seldom turned out happy or satisfactory. They are not what I hoped for. There was no evil witch who cast a mean spell to make my loved ones behave the way they did. The spell was not undone by exposing the realities. Instead, I was faced with the unexpected, the unknown, the shocking and had to deal, and learn to live with my findings.

That’s the gamble I took.

The special bond between my father and me was not due only to our artistic kinship and fondness of literature and poetry. Our love of nature, animals, perception of beauty in an opening flower or a wafting snowflake, the simple joy in inhaling the aroma of a freshly baked loaf, happiness at finding the exact word to express a thought, sadness at goodbye’s and joy at hello’s made up only a part of what made me — his first—born so special to him as they made him so special to me.

We also shared a tacit force in our lives we both knew we had to live with, accept and respect. This powerful, manipulative, unpredictable strength could change like the seasons and would influence my future and my choices for the rest of my life. This was the siren that allured my father many years ago and he promised his love and his life to her.

Babacim and my two younger sisters — at one time in their lives — were exposed to my mother’s irrational anger, but none of them except for me would be the target of her obdurate wrath for most of my life.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright © 2008

Friday, January 9, 2009


Have you ever. . .


In loving memory of my Father


Have you ever dreamed of someone

who no longer lives?

After the winter of denial,

disbelief, longing and tears -

in an unexpected flash of Time -

have you seen him unfold

from layers and layers of neatly folded,

safely packed away memories?


Have you tried reaching to touch

and felt your fingers brush the air?


Have you tasted the dawning anger,

and imbibed the mocking emptiness;

awakened to find yourself drenched

in the fit of frenzy

of such an etheral, cruel dream -

which, as unexpectedly as it came,

quietly, on padded paws, flees?


Have you ever tried asking "WHY?"

to the one who no longer is?


Then did you sit up crying,

wishing you could just one more time

hold him for a split second

even if in your dreams?


Copyright © F. Atalay 1997

Wednesday, January 7, 2009




Keyboarded and Processed

New year's eve - partial entry -2008

This entry was intended to be titled "Processed and Keyboarded". It is keyboarded, but I don’t think I have processed any of the experience yet. However, in a brief sparkle of gin and jackpot second on new year’s eve at my sister’s, I had chimed joyfully, "I have a lot to process and keyboard !" as if shouting the words themselves was the elixir to processing all that had happened since December 18th.

My sister and Gert had each interpreted my utterance differently and thus failed to understand what I had meant. Inci had imagined a musical keyboard and thought of "designing" one and "implementing" it, whereas Gert had immediately pictured a computer keyboard— which, after all, was what I had meant. The ensuing discussion and opinions stirred me to write my thoughts and perceptions, however incongruous they may have been at the time.

Looking back to my scribbled thoughts, now I too fail to understand what I meant. The words themselves don’t make sense, but I know what I meant. So, is there a difference between "knowing" and "understanding"? Do we understand everything we know, or do we have to know everything we understand? Where does intuition come into play? Is it where understanding and knowing melt into each other when their borders can no longer be clearly defined, and rather than don each other's identity they create a new one and name it intuition? The gin-jackpot-discovery feeling is still there even though the words that try to express it, obfuscate it instead. My challenge is to clear the fog and pick out the ones that speak out clearly. To do this, I must regain my passion. But for now, my intuitions lie paralyised in misty layers of understandings which I know not how to sort out and express— until I have processed each patiently and in due time.

Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright ©2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008



A Beautiful Friendship

Füsun Atalay Copyright ~ © 2008

I missed the three calls he attempted on my cell. What's the use of carrying one if you leave it in your coat pocket and check your coat in, at the lobby?

Fate works in strange ways. It has always for us.

His incompleted message on the answering maching at home asked my okay if December 25th was good for me. He had found a ticket at 50% off and had to book within the next 12 hours.

Yes! Yes ! You don't need to ask!

It would be 4 AM in Amsterdam but I called anyway, if only to leave a confirmation on his answering machine. Damn! He hadn't turned it on; and I know he's a heavy sleeper.

E-mail ! A quick note flew off into cyberspace before I set my alarm to 3 AM to get up and make another attempt at calling him.

When I did, it was too late. He had already missed the half-priced flight.

My heart sank.

"But," he chimed, "I did book a flight on December 23rd!"

Full price— close to 2000 Euros- because I was worth it and he did not want to leave me alone during the first anniversaries of many sad things that transpired in my life last year around this time.

"It's only money." His famous words. . . .

He has always been there for me. And I have tried to be there for him. Life has not united us ; nor has it separated us— except for a vast ocean and a continent that stands in between.

I look forward to his arrival.

I can already see the huge smile on his face and hear his voice : "Hui ! It's so good to see you again."

Then we'll embrace (oh, that familiar after shave!)— all 6 feet 2 inches of him against 5 feet 3 inches of me. Just like we've done so many times- in so many parts of the world -over so many years of our lives.

And I'll drive back home with him to continue from where we left off last February — until it's time to say say once more:

"Farewell— No tears, promise?"

Until the next time.

Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 2008 ~ All Rights belong to Füsun Atalay

Sketches from my Childhood
By:

Füsun Atalay Copyright © 2008

~ an excerpt~
My mother was the only child of a couple who, unlike the parents of my father, were city people. My grandfather was a decorated colonel in the Turkish Army and fought in the Turkish War of Independence alongside Mustafa Kemal Atatürk to free Turkey as a nation from the weakened and corrupt Ottoman Empire which, by then, was ready to parcel out the country to England, France, Italy and Greece. He endured weeks of hunger, malnutrition, malaria, dysentery , and sustained 18 wounds as I heard from my grandmother and mother in conversations. By the time I and my sisters were born and old enough to be cognizant of history and our grandfather’s part in it, the former was already in his very late seventies.

My most poignant - and shamefully cruel - recollection of him is one of his dozing of, one hand resting on his cane, seated on a kitchen chair, still wearing his Stetson hat. I, with the prominent naughty nature I possessed all through my life, would line up bottle caps and small sea shells on the rim of his hat and then yell out, "Dédé ! Dédé ! Wake up ! It’s time to go!"

As he jumped up startled and disoriented, the bottle caps rained down on his shoulders, legs, the floor, and I laughed gleefully. But he’d take the horrible joke in good humor, and say, "You, again! My naughty, incorrigible little Firefly! What pleasure do you get from mocking an old man?"

It’s another regrettable fact of my life that I was too unaware of my grandfather, his life and accomplishments while he was alive. He would have been my last connection to an Era- the glorious Ottoman Era of the pre modern Turkish Republic - a window for me to peek through and re-live some first-hand history through him . One of my many losses in life.

Ibrahim Ethem Demirhan and his wife, Hayriye Nezihe, my maternal grandparents lived in a modest home in Eyüp, which was apparently considered the most sought after neighborhood of Istanbul during the Ottoman times, but was neglected since its demise. The house was a two storey wooden structure with lattice trimmed windows, high ceilings and hardwood floors. My recollection of it - not so much as a structure but more as a feeling - is that it was like a gigantic doll house. The floors creaked, there was a room upstairs which my sisters and I were banned from entering (which only flared our curiosity more), there was a huge garden with hundreds of kinds of flowers, a water well with a rusty cover and a bucket attached to a pulley beside it. There was also a chicken coop with chickens, a rooster and a turkey . If we walked all the way to the end of the garden, we’d be stopped by a thick and high stone wall which prevented us from falling off the cliff into the Bosphorus, and marked the end of my grandmother’s property.

The fascinating story I heard from my mother about the origins of that old, wooden is among the most vivid memories from my childhood, probably because of its sounding so far away from the reality in which I lived.

To me her words were like a fairy tale I loved to listen to over and over, not only to let my imagination take off and recreate the characters and the places she talked about, but also to make sure that what she was telling was consistent and true- although I wasn’t conscious of my latter motive at that time.

The old house in Eyüp, Istanbul used to belong to my mother’s grandmother, or my great-grandmother. My mother herself had vague recollections of an old and sickly woman with bed sores on her back and who really did not play any significant role in her life. As a small child, all my mother remembered was images of her own mother, who was a trained mid-wife, attending to her dying mother during the last days of her life as a dutiful daughter.

Although her physical presence was insignificant in her life, her great grandmother’s accomplishment and status were very impressive factors on my mother and she never failed to talk about her "anneanne" when she was with friends, or met new people wherever we traveled because of my father’s career.


My great-grandmother was the treasurer of the Harem in Topkapi Palace during the reign of the last Ottoman Sultan. That was a very prestigious and revered position, for one had to be a trusted, forthright, dependable person. She had the keys to the treasury where the Harem jewels made of precious gems - emeralds, rubies, diamonds, gold, platinum, sapphire, topaz were stored and retrieved by official request for the use of the concubines. She had to account for what was in, what was out and make sure not a single piece went missing.

When she left her post to be married and raise a family, the Sultan gave her an exquisite set of emerald earrings and pendant as a "wedding and thank you for your service" gift. Many years later, it was that precious gift that was old and the proceeds from it paid for the house that was inherited by my grandmother. Of course, as my grandparents grew older, so did the house showing signs of wear and tear, creaking with age and aching for attention and care. Just like old people inevitably do, so had the once stately house had lost its dignity and become a burden on my grandparents.

* * * * *
At the end of my first year in elementary school which was spent in Diyarbakir (not too far from Syria and Iraq, on the south eastern part of Turkey), my father had sent his wife and three daughters to Istanbul as a respite from the intense heat of the city and a needed reunion for my mother with her parents.


That summer stands out in my memory with happy snapshots as well as unresolved mysteries. We traveled to Istanbul in a truck that was owned by a Kurdish carpet dealer. I don’t know his connection to my family, but I remember his presence a few times at dinners at our home in Diyarbakir. He was a jolly, large man whom everyone called Hüseyin Aga. He must have been trustworthy for my father to let his young, pretty wife and his three young daughters to travel with him all the way from Diyarbakir to Istanbul in his truck.

At my grandparent’s home my sisters and I felt like we were in paradise. The garden was our sanctuary and we could be anything we wanted to be there. One day we would pick red and pink and orange petals from the Dahlias and lick them to stick over our fingernails to pretend we just came out of the manicurists. Another day we tried making dolls from twigs, attaching snapdragons for heads and dressing them in alternate layers of Asters and Gerber Daisies strung through the twig to resemble full length fashion gowns.

One day, upon hearing that the turkey in the chicken coop was destined for new year’s dinner, I started viewing him as a soldier getting ready to go to battle and made him my fiancee. With my red Dahlia petalled fingers, I’d hold unto the chicken wire and carry monologues with my fiancee, the turkey, declaring to him my unwavering love, promising I’d think of him everyday and urging him to be brave.

Unfortunately, my mother overheard my declarations of love to my first love, a turkey, one evening and the next thing I remember is becoming the subject of the table conversation. I would never hear the end of my secret self engagement to my grandmother’s turkey. I was only seven years old then, and by the time I was seventeen my mother, who -much to my relief had discovered that capon was a lot more tender and juicy- had switched to baking a stuffed capon for new year’s dinners.

We enjoyed a freedom at our grandparents that our mother denied us, whether it was in the way we expressed ourselves, or how much or what we ate, or if we refused the compulsory afternoon naps. In Diyarbakir, because of the intense heat, all businesses closed between noon and 3 pm; and my mother obliged us to take a nap after lunch. Our reward : home-made fruit ice which she had learned to make and prided herself in offering to her guests.

My sisters and I, however, hated sleeping after lunch- if only because it was something we simply couldn’t do.


Instead, we loved drawing pictures. So under our pillows we’d sneak sharpened pencils and straightened wrapping paper with a Walt Disney Golden Book as a hard support. My sisters and I shared the same room and as soon as all was quiet, we’d take out our drawing paraphernalia and start drawing semi stick forms of ladies wearing the latest fashions and high heels with huge bows. Our drawings always had stories to them and the women had names and glamorous careers.

"Okay, now they’re going to a party," I’d whisper. And all of us would start drawing our disproportionate ladies in their latest and most outrageous party attire while our ears were fixed on sound of footsteps that might signal mother’s approaching to check in on us.

Having been so close in age and sharing the same strict, bitter-sweet upbringing has bonded my sisters and me in a very unique way. Many siblings share a close bond among themselves, and I would never maintain that we are the only ones or the most unique ones with such a bond. However, our bond has been put through some very tough tests and at one point it was almost severed. But it survived and revived stronger than before.
I see that as the biggest legacy of my father among the many he left us.

I believe my mother did not enjoy the relaxed discipline her parents bestowed on their granddaughters. But, having seen in raising their own offspring that a little leeway will not lead to any serious and irreversible harm in the youngsters, aren’t most grandparents usually more easy going with their grandchildren? If anything, the love and the generosity of my grandparents made us long for them more and cherish the few times we spent with them in Istanbul, Edirne and Ankara.

My mother was an only child and her parents were blessed with her at a much later age in their lives due to wars and other circumstances that delayed parenthood.. Consequently they doted over her and raised her as if she were a princess - keeping her away from the commoners. She could associate with selected friends- older daughters of military colleagues to whom she looked up and with whom she had little in common. If she resented this, she hid it well for she had learned being submissive at a very early age. So she never acknowledged her resentment, but rather let it germinate to seek revenge later in her life.

In her summer breaks, she would not be seen with her peers playing hop-scotch or hide and seek in the neighborhood. This was something my sisters and I were not allowed to do either during our childhood. Children of the neighborhood were called "sokak çocugu" - street children, and they would teach my mother bad things so she was kept away, protected from them by her overly protective mother.

Instead, my mother, like a kitten, curled up by her mother’s side and learned how to embroider and do petit-point and produced intricate doilies and blouses with embroidered bodices for herself. Such skills were looked upon favorably for a young girl in her circles. Her natural talent in this area led her to pursue an education at the Kiz Sanat Enstitüsü - Girls’ Crafts Institute - an institute of fine couture where she mastered how to make by hand fine lingerie, man’s shirts, silk flowers, women’s hats and baby clothes which came in handy later on in her life. However, pursuing this line of education clashed with her mother’s goals for her to study law and become a judge.

"I never felt I had the patience to read through all the volumes of those law books," I recall her confessing once when I was thirteen and wondering to myself what I should be.

A happy, fulfilled life, according to my mother, comprised of making an enviable marriage, having babies and raising them as the perfect children who’d be the envy of everyone- a testament to her ultimate success in life.
Her fair, blonde, blue-eyed looks, proper upbringing and respectable family background would not present any obstacles in securing a desirable marriage and a suitable social station in life. However, her prospective husband had to be approved by her parents. My grandfather, with his connections in the military had the means to investigate the background of any hopeful suitor and decide whether he was worthy of his precious young girl.

My mother had many suitors.

On May 23, 1949, she married the most unlikely one. She had just turned twenty, two weeks earlier..

My father had little in common with her in his background, upbringing or family status. According to my mother, he wasn’t even handsome. "But he had a golden bracelet," she would say.

Having a golden bracelet, in my culture, is used as a metaphor for possessing a good, solid education to ensure a gainful employment, a respectable career and a secure future. It doesn’t refer to those whose wives support dozens of 24 karat golden wire bracelets on their arms as a sign of their affluence. Although, in time, my father was able to buy my mother at least half a dozen of such trinkets whose jingle always warned me of her whereabouts, just like the little bell on my cat’s collar lets me know that of his.

But more importantly my father, who had only a mother for a dependent, was the candidate my grandparents believed would make her happy.

My mother agreed.

She selected him over the dashing young medical doctor, who could possibly flirt with nurses and be unfaithful; or the tall, dark architect who had a lenience towards drinking; or the lieutenant; or the wealthy carpet trader.

Even as a young girl, my mother was practical and pragmatic in her choice of a mate and selected the skinny, dark haired, olive complexioned engineer who had just graduated from the Istanbul Technical University, whom she knew would be devoted to her.

Her parents could see a happy future for their daughter with this honest, shy, polite, young man untainted by big city life and gave them both their blessings.

Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 20068 ~ All Rights belong to Füsun Atalay

Sunday, November 16, 2008



Dreaming of the Cyclamens
by
Füsun Atalay ~ Copyright©
The city has become a ghost town
lined by houses with icicle beards.
A million diamonds flash in the
headlights of a solitary car.
Tires trapped in a treadmill
spin on ice-embedded roads
in the bone-naked chill


A candle flickers on a windowsill . . .
a remote sign of life — a fragile breath
suspended in the balance of a wick.


Streets have become ice tunnels
as branches surrender to their fate
with a heartbreaking bow
of ice-imprisoned limbs.


A sadness permeates this place,
a muteness floods my ears
and muffles the laughter of the past —
When trees stood tall

and
their branches were alive
we dreamt of softly awakening
to a velvet, chartreuse spring.

The wounds are deep;
and the gashes weep
for the child — untimely torn
from its mother's womb.
To the Ice Storm of 1998

Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 1998 All Rights belong to Füsun Atalay

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


The Nu Nollej
By:

Derek Pethik
News item: "A Saskatchewan educationalist asserts that producing rounded personalities is even more important than learning the niceties of grammar."

The Schoolman of course they all praised to the skies;
He was clearly the man for the task
Of bringing the best, whether thought or expressed,
To the earnest young people of Sask.

His learning was wide, and he pointed with pride
To the fact that his pupils were grounded
Not in cruel repression, but in Free Self Expression,
Which, of course, made them very well rounded.

"What’s the use of such fetters as capital letters,
Punctuation, grammar or similar crimes?"
So the Schoolman would cry, and the class would reply
"They are a quote out of tune with the times !"

"Other schools are such shams, with their tests and exams:
But we’ve got our brave Schoolman to bless;
He has kept our minds free of such fiddle-dee-dee,
—Or of anything else, we confess."

But at college embarked, where they had to be marked,
At exam time, just what was their rank?
To say it was zero might slender our hero,
So we’ll call it a (well-rounded) blank.

Respectfully dedicated to The Riverside School Board, its exalted administrators and educational consultants who have lost touch with the reality of the classroom, the daily struggles of their teachers' and the real needs of their students.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Romancing Romeo

Story and Photos
by:
Füsun Atalay
Copyright © 2005
For John Spencer, who operates a successful B&B in Hawkesbury, NS, as his livelihood, flying is a passion and a dream he wanted to realize ever since he was a boy of six when he saw a Cessna 185-9 float on the beach in his native Marystown. He never forgot how fascinated he was by the high plane with the large wings, and ever since then he promised to fly one day himself.

It would take several decades for John to come close to his dream of even owning his own plane. When he remembers Wabash, Labrador in 1982, and the major downsizing in Iron Ore that caused his lay off, he believes that many things in his life happened by chance towards making his dream come true.

Unemployed and with a young family, he decided to seek his fortune outside of Newfoundland and decided to go to Cape Breton where his parents had settled earlier. But as fate would have it, John's fortune was already waiting for him in the form of an advertising sing for a gas station for lease at the Big Harbour turn off, ten kilometres off Bedeck, Nova Scotia.

A man of man talents, John had taken an automotive trade in Happy Valley, Goose Bay in ‘81-82. So, within a week of leaving Newfoundland, he was operating Spencers' Irving and working hard to make it a success. Seven years later, having added a towing service and an auto selvage yard to his station, he felt it was time to move unto other ventures.

Before settling on their B&B, he operated several other businesses, but it was the B&B that afforded him the leisure of time and attention he can devote for his Piper Tomahawk on wheels, the object of his childhood dreams.

"Running a B&B is not a round the clock,365 days a year job," admits Spencer in his affable, gregarious manner. "It allows me time to fly whenever there’s good whether."

C-GRVK is the name given at the time of its registration, but to Spencer, the single engine Piper Tomahawk is better known as Romeo Victor Kilo, the call sign by which it can be identified anywhere in the world.

Romeo Victor Kilo had been operated by the Moncton Flight Centre since1979 as a new plane among one of their fleet of twenty. But even after it was put out of commission, it was kept as a certified airplane which meant that it was inspected and maintained in the same way as the others that were in use.

"They kept them all for their parts," says Spencer. "They had a fleet of twenty and stayed with a few, using the parts from the others to maintain the planes until they got just down to five."

"When I bought it in 1991, it really looked bad in the interior and the exterior. Un-matching doors, lots of trim, plastic and paint missing. I had to think of it as a winter’s project."

The plane was kept in an Airmax Hangar at Hawkesbury Airport, and it was Al McDonald, who assisted John with the repairs needed to get Romeo back into the skies with pride again.

McDonald is not only the director of the flight instruction school in Port Hawkesbury, but he is also the qualified AME (Airplane Mechanical Engineer) who performs the annual inspections before planes can be certified to fly.

Having received his private pilot’s licence in 1957, McDonald has been around for a while, and he’s used to flying around the sea in bush planes.

"I used to fly bush planes in winter when boats couldn’t come ‘round because of ice on the north side. So stuff used to be delivered by planes," he recalls, "even to Bull Island (?) and Ungava Bay."

Unfortunately no one in his family shares Spencer’s enthusiasm for flying, except for his seventy year old father who loves to accompany his son but cannot do so often because of the distance that sets them apart.

That does not deter Spencer from going up by himself every chance he gets.

"I’ve never been so much interested in the flying activity itself," he says, "but it was the ability to get way up there and see everything from above. I used to think how wonderful that would be to see everything like you were a bird."

Flight depends mostly on weather conditions, but he manages to average about one hundred hours a year.

"Flying provides an opportunity to meet interesting people- it’s like a brotherhood of pilots," he says. "All of us, from different walks of life, share an interest in flying and get together to organize activities."

He and wife Sharon like to attend fly-in breakfasts held every Saturday morning at various locales such as

Stanley between Windsor, NS, or Debert, an old military base. Although these fly-in breakfasts are held between May and December, because of their commitment to the B&B, the Spencers cannot participate until the end of tourist season in October.

"A lot of fly-ins promote flight safety," admits Spencer. Usually a qualified speaker from Transport Canada gives a seminar on safety, based on a recent flight-related accident and how it could have been avoided. With the audience from the fly-in breakfast and other listeners trickling in from the area these seminars, according to him, can be well-attended packing in a few hundred at times


Spencer, himself, is a reliable and seasoned pilot. His training includes dual and single hours required for a pilot’s licence as well as additional training for night rating.

He goes through an intense check list before even setting foot into the plane.

"If you don’t read the check list, you often forget something," he says jokingly as he goes through the pre flight check of all control surfaces, hinges, lights, control pads, hinge pins, oil, fuel, lose belts and properly secured wires, making sure nothing will fall.

Then he checks for water in the fuel, pointing that there are two fuel tanks on each part of the wing. "Each tank has a water drain- if there’s water, it’ll collect in the drain. Then you drain all the drain cocks and you’re fine," his voice carries the assurance of someone who knows what he is doing.

He checks the tail lights as he admits that he doesn’t go far. "Usually to places where there’s no landing fees like Summerside or Cable Head, PEI."

Once the pre flight check is complete and we are safely strapped in the two-seater that has been heating like an inferno under the afternoon sun, Spencer communicates by radio with the airport to establish the altimeter setting, strength and direction of the winds, whether there’s any other aircraft in the area, and asks to be notified of local traffic.

Finally he informs the airport authority: "Port Hawkesbury traffic, Romeo Victor Kilo is taxying into position runway two-nine."

There’s no response from the other end. This means there’s no conflict and we can take off. Within minutes we’re airborne and, at an altitude of 1200 feet above Cape Breton, taking in the beauty of the small island from a bird’s eye view.

I glance sideways at Spencer. He is in control of his destiny and looks like he is in heaven doing what he wanted to do ever since he was a six-year-old boy growing up in Marystown. And one of these days, he will complete that dream by flying his Piper Tomahawk back home to the very same beach where he succumbed to the passion of flying.

"It’s just a matter of time now," he says. "And some continued good weather."

Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 2005 All Rights belong to Füsun Atalay

Tempest in a Teapot
a personal teaching anecdote
By:
Füsun Atalay Copyright © 2004

Recently I was asked to cover a grade seven French class during the first period as the regular teacher was involved in a fender bender on her way to school. These requests for emergency substitutions, as their name implies, are made at the last minute, and consequently one has to run around trying to find the work left by the regular teacher for such unexpected circumstances.

I ran to the workroom for the French department where, I was instructed, the work should have been left in the top drawer of the gray filing cabinet with the teacher’s name and the heading "Plans d'enseignement de Suppléance". As usually is the case, there was no such work. Sometimes teachers don’t expect to be absent under any circumstances either because of their dedication to this honourable profession, or because of trying to live up to the society’s misconceptions that they are infallible.

A colleague of Mme Poirier calmed me down saying that it was an easy morning. Students were to complete their portfolio work by the end of the day, so most of them would be working on that first period. Some who may have finished theirs could read their novels.

The class room, a 15 foot by 15 foot square of faded vinyl tile covered box was decorated with Halloween paraphernalia although there were still two-and-a-half weeks to the trick or treat day. Silhouettes of witches on their broomsticks and plastic pumpkins decorated the walls.

Pumpkin shaped candles, stretched out cotton hanging over the blackboard, tiny night bulbs in the shape of skeletons strung on a long cord framing the board certainly created the eerie effect associated with this day. My first thought was, "This looks just like an elementary school room."

Then I reminded myself that nowadays not much difference exists between the attitudes and behaviours of elementary and middle school children since neither act their appropriate ages.

As soon I opened the door and let the students in, I was bombarded with the dreaded question in the face of the obvious.

"Miss, are you a sub?"

"A sub" means that they will try to do everything not permitted by their regular teacher to see if they can get away with it with the sub. There is no way to know the parameters by which a teacher operates. Does s/he allow them to go their lockers during class? Can they work in pairs? May some go to the library to complete their work on the computer? Are bathroom visits permitted before recess?

No matter how many times I promise myself that I will be strict for the sake of my own sanity, my soft side takes over when a student begs me for one of the above. After all, if s/he doesn’t have one item needed for work, what is the point of denying access it so that s/he can work? Or, if the task was started on the computer and today is the deadline why not allow work in the library? Bathroom? Who am I to say "Too bad, sit down and wait until recess!"

Soon, before I knew it I had written a note asking the librarian to permit six students (maximum number without a teacher’s presence as I was to learn later) to work there; four had dashed off to their lockers to fetch coloring pencils or the first part of their portfolios and two girls had paired off and one scrawny boy with thick glasses had barely made it to the bathroom ,leaving the remaining twenty to work silently on their own.

That’s when another French teacher dropped in to read the names of fourteen students who had overdue library books, and the librarian wanted them right away to speak to them. The fourteen left in a flurry. Of the four who had gone to their lockers, two came back empty handed saying they thought their work was there but it wasn’t. A familiar line. It was just an excuse to get out of class, and I should have known better, but too late now. Then the overdue book culprits started trickling back one by one. Fifth student who returned had some news for me.

"Miss, four of them are not even using the computers, they’re just sitting at the tables, so why can’t me and Melanie go instead? I really have to work at the computer."

That sounded like a reasonable request. But no sooner than he finished his words, five other students surrounded my desk asking the same. That meant another note to Mrs. Porter asking to send the four who were there under false pretenses back, and in their place allow the five bearing the note to work there.

Two minutes later the same five I sent came back with a note from the librarian. "All six are now at the computers. I cannot allow any more as I have the max. no. allowed without a teacher".

Meanwhile, the noise level had gone up and I had to get that under control. The disappointed five returned to their seats without much intention to work. As I got their attention and asked them to bring the noise down to work effectively, the scrawny boy with thick glasses put up his hand.

I was ready to help anyone who asked for it. But his wasn’t a request for help. In an indiscernible, broken French he was trying to say something. I thought we could bend the rules a little and told him,

"Tu peut parler Anglais "

He was asking if I could turn off the flashing skeletons, because they should really wait for Halloween to have the special effects. To this another girl objected in a very fast spoken , indiscernible in yet a different way, French. Of her I had to demand,

"Parle Anglais!"

What does one do when students begin taking over and telling contradictory stories about their teacher’s habits? "Mme P. lets us talk when we work." Or, "Mme P. never lets us go to our lockers, how come you let Marc-Andre go?"

I keep telling myself that next time I will be strict and not let anyone move. No talking, no lockers, no library, no partners! I don’t care if they think I am one of those witches whose crooked nosed, bony fingered silhouettes hang from the windows. At least that will be far better than trying to calm the tempest that being an understanding, sympathetic and compassionate teacher can create.

Next time, did I say? Hmmm. . . At this rate, I wonder if there will be a next time.

Copyrighted Material ~ Copyright © 2004 ~ All Rights belong to Füsun Atalay